Movies/TV/Musicians: The Best and Worst

(DISCLAIMER: OK - this is my list, and my list ONLY. So don't grumble, OK?)

Watching movies or TV featuring musicians - either as "a band" in a particular scene or in the starring role - is generally painful. Why? For a few reasons: either the band is completely overacting ("guitar player's face" or stupid moves/head banging), the band itself defies the laws of physics (hey - that guy's playing an electric guitar, and he's SCREAMIN' on the solo! Nevermind there's no amp and cord!), or the band and the crowd look ridiculously fake. I suppose the director expects viewers to suspend disbelief, but still - c'mon. How difficult is it to plug a cord into a guitar?

Having said that, today's blog is my take on some of the best and worst "musician" movies and television. Keep in mind - the bad ones are bad because they look really, really, really fake or just plain lazy (the "missing guitar cord" syndrome). They're not in any particular order (EXCEPT the first movie of the "great" list - which is THE greatest rock and roll/musicians movie ever made), so read, bust out your Blockbuster card or crack open your Netflix queue and watch a few of these. Even the bad ones are good for a laugh.

KENNY'S "GREAT TV SHOW/MOVIE MUSIC" LIST

• A Hard Day's Night - Starring The Beatles. THE best movie about a band. Period. GREAT music, crackling dialogue, edits and cuts IN TIME to the music, terrific acting and genuinely funny moments (Paul's grandfather, on Ringo's big nose: "He can't help havin' a hideous great hooter. An' his poor head, tremblin' under the weight!"). Yes, I know, the guitars are unplugged - but in this case, it's OK because the movie's so great. TIP FOR WATCHING: Put on subtitles - sometimes it's hard to catch all the dialogue because of the English accents.
• That Thing You Do! - Starring The Wonders. Terrific movie for several reasons: a) the actors ACTUALLY PLAY THEIR INSTRUMENTS. They took lessons and after six months could jam with each other. b) Their song "That Thing You Do" gets BETTER as the play it more often - just like real music. c) When they start out they have crappy instruments (Danelectro guitars, etc.). As they become huge they get top of the line gear. d) The movie REALLY gets across the excitement of being in a band (the scene where they're played on the radio gives me chills every time). TIP FOR WATCHING: Notice the bass player has NO NAME! He's listed as "T.B. Player" in the credits.
• This Is Spinal Tap - Starring Spinal Tap. Friggin' brilliant. Friggin' hilarious. Friggin' ACCURATE. Eminently quotable ("This goes to 11," "D Minor is the saddest of all keys," etc.). TIP FOR WATCHING: Listen for the limo driver's under his breath comment when the band raises the privacy glass.
• Bird - Biography about sax player Charlie "Yardbird" Parker. Very dark and unrelenting, but terrific. The movie examines Parker's excessive drink and drug habits while celebrating his groundbreaking sax playing and his wife's patience and loyalty. TIP FOR WATCHING: They use much of Bird's actual recordings, mixed with modern musicians, in the soundtrack.
• The Blues Brothers - Starring The Blues Brothers. VERY funny movie (Princess Leia with a bazooka? Niiiiiice.) - and although I don't much care for Belushi's singing, with performances by Ray Charles, Aretha Franklin, Cab Calloway, James Brown, John Lee Hooker (in addition to a backup band composed of Steve Cropper, "Duck" Dunn, Willie Hall, Tom Malone, Matt Murphy, Lou Marini and Alan Rubin) you CAN'T go wrong. TIP FOR WATCHING: The nun floating across the floor - it kills me every time.
• A Mighty Wind - Starring the Folksmen, Mitch and Mickey and the New Main Street Singers. Three folk groups from the 60s reunite for a memorial concert - and it's damn FUNNY. The folk singer portraits are completely accurate and some of the lines ("there was abuse in my family - of a musical nature") is coffee-spittin' hilarious. TIP FOR WATCHING: Notice the similarities between the Folksmen and Spinal Tap? You should - same guys.

Honorable Mentions - Help!, Ray, Almost Famous, The Commitments, Don't Knock the Rock, Let It Be, The Buddy Holly Story

KENNY'S "TERRIBLE TV/MUSIC MOVIE" LIST (a disclaimer within a disclaimer: The Patridge Family could have their own category here. Please consider them at the top of the "Fake Band That Looks Really Fake When Playing Fake Music" food chain. The Monkees don't count - although they barely avoided the 7th layer of hell by stealing every idea from "Help!" for their TV program, three of them were actual musicians. And, yeah - the show was kinda funny)

• Magical Mystery Tour - Starring the Beatles. All you pretentious "You don't get REAL art!" weenies pipe down - the Beatles are my favorite band, but this movie is a self-serving, ego-driven pile of guano. THIS is what happens when artists believe they're capable of creating ANY kind of art (see "Shatner - William" for more details). No - time hasn't been kind to this gack-inducing flick (though the music IS terrific - of course).
• The Lost Boys - Appearance by Some Vampire Band. Is it just me or does anyone else want to shoot a poisonous blow dart at the 'roid-filled drenched-in-grease leader of the vampire band at the beach rally? Yes, I know he's a real sax player (Tim Capello, who's played with Tina Turner among others - and he's a pretty good player), but please - covering yourself in Vasoline doesn't sell you as sexy. Plus, "Cap'n Geech and the Shrimp Shack Shooters" from "That Thing You Do!" are more convincing as players than this pink fro wig and Edgar Winter haired band of actors pretending to "really rock out" (they're head banging to a song that sounds as dangerous as Perry Como taking an afternoon nap). "Attention please. 'Out of touch director,' table for one."
• Any Episode of "Happy Days" Featuring Richie's Band - Yeah, Richie. You BLOW that sax, man, and when you do make that really serious "I'm blowin' a sax and creating art" face to REALLY sell it, OK?
• Heartbreak Ridge - Featuring an appearance by Stitch Jones, "The Ayotollah of Rock and Rollah." I love this movie, and shame on Clint Eastwood (who directed this as well as the aforementioned great "Bird") for allowing this painful musical interlude. Stitch is a guitar playin', sunglass wearin', rappin' and singin' fool who's singing with effects WELL over the din, plays a heavily distorted electric guitar WITHOUT a mic, PA, cords, an amp or - if memory serves - a friggin' BACKING BAND. Outside of that? Completely realistic.
• Under Siege - Featuring Bad Billy and the Bail Jumpers. Look - I like Tommy Lee Jones. He was great in "The Fugitive." But he's COMPLETELY fake as a harmonica-blowin' blues singer. "God, I love this job!" Yeah, whatever. You ever played a gig before?
• Any Sitcom From the 70s Through the Late 90s in Which a Lead Character Creates, Plays in or Buys Tickets for a Band. 'nuff said.

Honorable Mentions - Any Brady Bunch episode featuring "the Brady kids" as singers/musicians, The Jazz Singer (Neil Diamond version, natch - you know, the one where he DOESN'T SING JAZZ), Eddie and the Cruisers, Crossroads (Ralph Macchio version - and an aside: I like the fact the public at large gets to hear the term "cut his head" in the movie. What I hate is Macchio instantly becoming "a blues man" the first time his heart is broken. Puh-leeeeze)