300? Try Five

OK - I think the movie "300" is terrific. It's beautifully shot, moves at a quick pace, provides some great fight scenes and tons of action and is packed with enough (cartoonish?) violence to make any dude shout "boo-ya!" It's also eminently quotable - I can't tell you how many times I've said "Tonight we dine in HELL!" or "Immortals - we'll put their name to the test!" or the classic "This...is...SPARTA!"

Anyway, you've probably seen the movie or know about the Battle of Thermopylae - 300 hundred Spartans (and 900 Spartan serfs) held back a far larger Persian army (estimated between 200,000 and 500,000 men) for about three days. In the aftermath all of the Spartans (save two) were killed - however, better than 20,000 Persians died during those three days. Not a bad last stand.

Of course, this battle is legendary and illustrates the power of bravery, the strength of working in tandem/unison, belief in each other and dedication to a higher purpose.

Hm...sound a lot like...

A COVER BAND! (Da Da Daaaaaaaaaaa!)

There you stand - the five of you facing a much larger crowd. It's a battle of strength and will. They challenge you - call you out, goad you on, demand you prove your skill. Essentially, they're WAITING for you to fail. And if you should give in to weakness? To dissension within the ranks? Death - in terms of kissing the gig good-bye - awaits you.

Ah - but YOUR band is different. Your band welcomes the challenge. You know those to your left, right, in front and behind will bring their powers to bear. There will be no dissension, for each person knows the role to be played. You're ready to make the sacrifices needed to reach the next level. It doesn't matter how you achieve the goal - yours is a higher purpose...to stand in front of this ravenous crowd, wield your weapons with the utmost skill...

...and kill each and every one of them.

That, my friends, is a GREAT cover band.

The Cover Band Lexicon, etc.

I've mentioned in a few blogs the need - hell, the absolute NECESSITY - to feel good and laugh while playing music. Sharing smiles with your band is a GREAT way to release pressure and turn a crummy gig into something pretty fun. Also, the crowd/your clients love nothing more than to see the band enjoy itself - they WANT to know you're having fun and are into the gig as much as they are.

In my band, we share little on-stage asides - someone will throw a quick "Chuck Conner" face, or do what we call a "TF" (another silly expression). Maybe the bass player will do a "heavy metal pose" for a split second while we're playing a beautiful ballad. Many times I'll change a word or two in a lyric, knowing the crowd won't hear it but the band will, all for the chance of making them crack up. It's a blast, and keeps things loose and light.

One thing we've developed in my band is this odd little lexicon - code words and phrases for things going on around us. This is our way of pointing things out to one another while putting a weird spin on them. For example: how many times has YOUR drummer called you over to say "Gilda Radner has a cigarette holder!" during a gig? Here's the funny part about it: Gilda Radner wasn't at the gig (unless it was in spirit), and the person Rob (the drummer) was talking about didn't even smoke. Still, I IMMEDIATELY knew what he was talking about, and laughed until my stomach hurt.

Now, prepare yourself as I take you into the dark and secret underworld of the Party Jones On-Stage Lexicon. Of course, I can't tell you what these ultra-secret code words REALLY mean - after all, we haven't taught you the secret handshake - but trust me when I say they're general phrases used for specific things (like someone saying you're "chill"). We use them all the time and, yes, they all mean something very specific:

"She's a Charlie Tango!"
"I guess it's a bobby pin day."
"Nice. Wolf smile."
"He's going all Foster Brooks over there."
"Did you credit card him?"
"C'mon dude! PUAG!"
"Ready to Jack it up?"
"Where's Alpha Mike?"
"She's got a cigarette holder."
"Taint!"
"It's the bourbon al-Qaida."
"Did you crack a corneleus?"

In addition to those, we absorb as much pop culture bull dada as we can hold, then bark pieces of it out during a gig, trying our best to make each other laugh. Most of these we pinched from a favorite movie/book/TV show, so unlike our PJ lexicon above we can't claim ownership to them - but we DO use them at the best times:

"Buried aliiiiiiiive."
"Nice n' tight ladies."
"Ifitirondick."
"You're dangerous."
"Ooo yeah!"
"You down?"
"Tonight, we dine in hell!"
"You're ghosting us, MF."
"Little hand says it's time to rock and roll."
"Oh so niiiice."
"Bears attack when you're in season."

Finally, we've had so many weird/funny/huh?! experiences we can boil an entire goofy event into one or two words. Just saying the words brings back the entire adventure, and gets us laughing like crazy. Here are a few of those:

"Wildweed."
"Ratchakokoff."
"Bean cheese."
"Katefruit."
"That is NOT 'check!'"
"Cobra Stare."
"Alpo."
"Crap fart."
"Tuna Boat's In."
"Triple Guffaw."
"The 'No More Haircuts Today!' Whitewall Disaster."
"Hairy Harpoon."
"Grey Bra Syndrome."
"Carrie's Mom."

Yes, it's stupid and silly - but laughing keeps us feeling good, which helps us keep YOU feeling good.

And that's what it's all about - MAH BRUTH-THAS and SIST-TAHS!

Spirals

Circles. Life's built on them, right? If you study any ancient civilization, or religion, or read any papers on tradition, habits or even nature, you'll see life works in circles.

In my life, the circles connect and form spirals. That's where I find myself these days - in the middle of these strange spirals. All of them connected and spinning, feeding of one another. It's downright strange, but it's helped me find peace and clarity when the spinning gets out of control.

Some of my circles include: Family. Band. Day gig. Relationships. Spirituality. Duty. Discovery of oneself. Vision/goals. All of these circles, spinning in my life like plates on a stick. The weird thing is they're one on top of another, not side by side, and they're all connected, with each one affecting the next. Sometimes they all affect one another (how does my family life affect my band? My writing gig? My relationships? How does my search for spirituality affect my vision and goals? How does my sense of duty to my band AND my family help me discover who I am as a leader? How do my relationships affect my vision and goals? Am I strong enough to make decisions to meet my goals, regardless of cost?).

So, that's where the spiral comes in. All these circles spinning around right on top of me, increasing in speed AND pressure. But that's where a person MUST have a way to stay calm when these circles threaten to crush the gd life out of you.

So get this: we all know the eye of a hurricane is, literally, the calmest part of the hurricane itself. In fact, winds are light and it may even be sunny. Circling the eye is the eye wall, composed of clouds and thunderstorms and the strongest winds. So why is the eye calms? Because the wind can't blow into it. It's a lot like taking a good-sized salad bowl full of water, holding on to the edge of the bowl and spinning it in a circle over your head. The same force keeping the water in the bucket keeps the winds and storms out of the eye of a hurricane.

Result: the pressure in the eye - in the middle of the storm, in the middle of the spiral - is extremely low.

(Here I go with the metaphors again.)

When things in life spin almost out of control I really DO find a strange calm and clarity of vision. Seriously - I know what I want to do, what I will and won't tolerate and how the road in front of me splits. Maybe that's how my muse operates - I'm not sure. All I do know is when those circles connect and spin, my focus increases and I see my life - my family, my band, my day gig, my relationships - with absolute clarity.

Spirals? Bring 'em on.